a girl named melody.

their once was a girl named melody. she played in a game called secondlife under the name fickle portal. she was a very nice girl to me at first, and as the months changed  and longed into the new yrs of the future….she slowly began to turn into an  unhumored female with a lack of confidence that i found, after the divorce of her wife in second life. i really tried to get closer to her as a friend on the coming months  of the breakup but she never really logged on much and would mainly complain about her ex and how she was in turmoil, or how she hated her new girls or that she missed her alot. so one day me and the friends were speaking via skype, and  we were having a bit of a laugh, and this girl named melody gave me info of i dont think she cares about me or gives a fuck about me anymore. so as she left, i read it aloud in the group circle not knowing that she was listening, and i read it out as a joke. i truly didn’t know that she would flip out like a little girl claiming that i destroyed her trust, and claiming that i was unsorry for it. she went on my facebook and started getting vein because she claims i knew what i was doing, but she didn’t state within her IM that i couldn’t say it allowed.  i really don’t get why she said she couldn’t trust me anymore as a friend, because i still like her, but at the end of the day melody from facebook is very stubborn, vein, insecure and very lonely. for me a friend is forever, and not a single thing will make me stop hating you, unless your a total asshole, prick or mean indivual. she claims that she isn’t my friend anymore, but i told her straight that i am her friend, and i dont care if she doesnt trust me, sometimes friendship isn’t about stress it’s about closeness, feelings and other things like that. she will problem read this stupid post, comment on how fucked up and wrong i am in the entirety of this blogged hallmark moment, but yes alas she is a froot.


she really needs to clean the sand out of her vagina as it’s making her cranky. should i ask her if it itches?  second life to me is a videogame and nothing more then a videogame. sure people give me this bullshit of the person behind the avatar nonsense. i find that to be kind of stupid, bland and cliche. their is graphics check , their are      avatars check, their are videogames in the videogame check, their are all types of avatars check. that is all in compliance with a videogame, that people seem to take seriously and shove it up your ass if you think your calling it a game. they go it’s not a game, but well it is a game and nothing more then that. i really dont get why we have to have froot, the annoying frooty faggots, the famously retarded monkey plots called the bum nazi’s of poke me arse 7, and the singled mindedness they give people within the communities that are in their. they think that abrassive humor is hateful and rude, they think being obnoxious is annoying, they think speaking your mind is hurtful.  second life for the most part is a complete bore, and their isn’t much to do anymore. people also bring their stupid real morals and values into the game, where it should be it’s a videogame, i will put my real emotions, morals and feeling aside, because in the end it isnt’t ream and cannot hurt me. they instead they rumage in your face, stating that doing that is sick or wrong. people really need to learn that false reality isn’t reality but reality is less then televison. virtual worlds should be taken as a world to create your inner desires, functions and funness, not saying omgh that is against the law i’m gonna report you. my ex partner said the reason you don’t get along with people in sl is because your not a flower. flower means your very sensitive, emotionally empathetic, sympathy, and watch as it slowly devours your soul.

Published in: on June 27, 2011 at 2:01 am  Leave a Comment  

terrors of a movie set.

Today was the big day to shoot my horror film entitled boring pasta. it was simply supposed to be a big joke making fun of family guy, where it was black and white and the man and women would dance up and down, making pasta, and then peter would run in and start eating the pasta right away, and the wife would kill him, and then she’d make some more and serv it outside in a dish, but then the husband would charge and she’d shoot him in the head, but it didnt end up like that. I retold the story, of a person hitting a bible thumper on the head with a shuvel as she was in the backyard messing around, and         stuff like that .


well for the most part working on my set was a total fucking nightmare. know one was listening to my directions, almost zero amount of emotional impact and terror were present in the making of this movie. it was more like i cant do that or wont do this for the last bloody hr or more of the shoot. i wanted my mom to be literally dragged across the grass on the grass. i was viewing it via the camera lens and their was no love in the scene, it was like yea i’m pulling her, i am pulling her slowly, yea i am not gonna pull her rough to make it look scary, dark and distressing, even the shovel hit looking insanely terrible. on my sets i expect a insane amount of surrealism, an insane amount of strong emotions, strong body movement and fear. i was not getting this at all, on the set i was directing on. most of the time my mom is ok to work with on the last two films we did together, but this one she didnt seem to take enoughs risks as it was. i was showing her as i said it to others. lay on the ground, lay on the ground. she replied show me and i’ll do it, i said law on the ground, lay laaaay, then she chickened out and said her ankles were sore and needing to get some padding or some shite like that.

i had to repeat and repeat like i was a bloody robot over and over and over and over like i was a robotic monkey on crack. i really tried to be nice to everyone that was on the fucking set, but it was complete anarchy  for the remainder of it. the first part was very very fun, and then when it came to the intense intense  parts, they started getting really really bad at it. they kept saying oh your dont have to do it like that it’s just pretending. so your stating that pulling someone along the grass slowly and idiotic is gonna guarantee a legit scare? it’s gonna make the audience laugh, and not get the point of it.  it was shot from afar but i could tell they weren’t really giving 110% of the nature of the move, and just skipped along like a little fairy, thinking that pretending to pick up, or pretending to put you in a shed,        around a garbage area or trunk would create so much anarchy between me, my dad and my mom. the i don’t want to do it if i get hurt. sometimes a little accident or two helps the circulation a bit. i guess i expect too much a lot of the time, but when their here with jeff, everything seems to be ok, but when i am around shooting my style of horror without an accomplish, i start swearing, and shouting for them to get the scene correct. the only stressful scene was the dragging, the putting her in the shed, the realism towards the dragging, the shed and the trunk, and no one listening to a single word i am saying, like their a bunch of deaf monkey that forgot their hearing aid or dont make it realistic enough for me.


it would be nice, if everything went smooth, fast, energetic, funny, terrifying and horrific all in a single day, without a single complaint. the final product i know from my heart is gonna be a complete trainwreck of a film. i am going to have to get my buddy jeff to salvage whatever he can with it. possibly a fake trailer, a 30 second blurfest or just a complete mess. i know it’s a challenge but i take the horror genre very seriously. it is a genre that is slowly dying off, and having rehashes of the same shit over and over again.


thanks parents.


Published in: on June 27, 2011 at 1:43 am  Leave a Comment  

so fucking bored.

Well i am bloody bored for some reason, and don’t have the balls to log on to one of the most shittiest examples of a videogame/ chat program called second life, it just doesn’t have the feeling of being the thing i enjoy anymore. i am starting to play some videogames and well their not so pleasing, as their a basic dumbed down version of the next gaming coming out. their just so afraid to take risks now in fear of not selling any products. gaming use to be an amazing side project i used to do on a regular basis, but because of what i stated it doesn’t live up to the hype no more. i buy 1 game for say 50 60 bucks, and i just shrug and go huh this sucks, and leave it to rot in the corner for months at a time. see if i love a game i have the tendency to stay up all threw the night trying to beat it,and well i haven’t been finding that lately, most of the games are too easy, but that doesn’t justify how fucking bored i am of everything around me.  there is just nothing to do anymore. it’s the same old shit over and over.

after 3 and a half yrs of  second life your gonna go mad from time to time, and do the most stupidest things to get suspended for a couple days so you can think for a couple days. even life in general is boring  as well.  my parents give me this bullshit of saying, he son i want you working, it will make you feel better about yourself , at work you can make work fun and you will appreciate your days off when playing games and what not. such shit, work is boring, work is depressing all you do is the same shit for 40 yrs with nothing new to show for it. and it slowly degrades you into this over serious boring individual that thinks work is the best thing ever and work is nothing like that. it’s tedious, boring, repetative of the same stuff over and over like what an aspie would do but this aspie would question his motivation for working her and just bloody quit.  i used to work at the canadian mint, and that was ok until the 2nd and 3rd week came, and i just wanted to get the hell out of their as it was just over and over the same dish washing, and the same idiots that seem to eat like half a bite, and go and say yup i’m done not gonna eat it, clear my plate just gonna be a slob and leave it on the cafeteria floor or table. yeah let the stupid dish washer handle it. me as a person do not like feeling icky things. well i do not like to touch  slimy food, that is pretty disgusting to even consume, and the texture of this shit. i oddly gotta do the ew face and pick it up, i wont pick up anything without bloody gloves as i hate it.

making films is fun for the most part but it’s beginning  to wear thing on me, as i just don’t wanna go out into the open air, take a camera and film something, and have it come out really really dark looking. in my favor i love horror, sometimes making horror and all those things but it’s a shame that a lot of horror these days is paint by numbers bullshit without a creative idea in their ass. sure the horror idea has been raped to death, but common stop creating the same tedious charecter traits and cliches that seem  to overcome these dreadful made for tv movies. i know these indie filmmakers like me can make a better film, but because of investors and lack of funding maybe  at times to takes risk, as the investor may not fund them again if it’s a tank, so playing it safe oddly gets them in the safe zone. if it was me making that film i would actually have the balls to go in a different direction if need be, we dont need the same cookie cutter nonsense that we have in most films today. i like my horror, dark,scary to the point, cliche free, bleak and always have a true ending. that means everyone dies in a realistic manner, their are no happy endings, acting has to be amazing.  that in itself makes a great horror movie,

if you do infact remove the cliche parts of the film, creating a borefest of a movie that has been done.  i love film, i love  touching it, holding it , shooting it, caressing it, licking it, and stroke it ever so slowly that i get this soothing feeling from it. kidding about the last parts. in our minds we are all filmmakers but only a certain few can take what’s in their mind and thought, and bring it into the real world to create this fucked up masterpiece of a movie instead of it being a badly shoot tv movie of the week. if  a person can bring his idea from his head, to a script and onto the screen making it memorable in great is some one worth looking out for. also improv shooting is also great as hell. it’s hard for people like me to get off their asses and actually start creating horror movies, i would love to do it more, but i dont know, i seem to never push myself to great lengths to get off my ass to shoot it. my friend jeff thinks that if i dont have the balls to do it by myself sometimes that i shouldn’t be in this field of work, but i think me and him work well together creating dark, funny and cool horror movies together, i don’t want to loose a filmmaking friend like that, so during the filming of a movie called baka 2 we filmed a documentary and i did all the work, and helped me film it, and create this cinematic, dark, realistic and moody horror flick. i was proud as a filmmaker and also as a friend of his to accomplish something so good, without even  reading a script, just by me and jeff telling the actors and friends what to do, and create one of our best pictures that we created. the documentry  was actually funny, random, creative and would be great if it was edited together and show with the film, to show what i am capable or not capable of.

now also i am an avid music love but as of late that is boring me to tear to, as again their is nothing new in the genre accept copy cat music like we hear on the radio, and a lot of it is the same cookie cutter shit that has been around for yrs. radio music has got to be the shittiest form to every walk the face of the earth, like seriously who would in their right mind want to listen to this stuff, besides people that have dreadfully no personality within their bones, and have to listen to this happy sappy dance romantic luvey dovey rap crap justin beiber inspired whore rock. that’s what i’d seriously like to call this shit on the radio and other forms of it.  i just can’t seem to get threw most of the music that we are playing today on radio and on cd. i am an avid metal music lover  and am also getting sick of that shit too, and oddly i  listen to the cd on the net or of a band i like and it’s like what happened.  i guess  in a generalistic type view i am getting the point of having so much expectation for a band, and any type of  familularity to the same style of music that in it’s own right refused to evolve such as nickel back kind of make me wanna go to the corner store, find  some sort of turkey baster and and go to justin biebers house and go like oi wtf are you doing creating this love hump music for.

you are hot, i do wanna fuck you, but you gotta lay off the love songs man it’s just been done. i hate justin bieber but like couple of his songs but not much, as it’s the same radio played garbage as the next band. metal has a small place in my heart but that is slowly going away, just like horror and bands sound like the last band of that band having no creativity ballsness. well sure as a teenager you are full of rage and the best stuff you can listen to is metal and listen to copious amounts of music that sounds just like the last one to see the message it’s trying to show you. and when you get older you go out and seek better, harder and sometimes softer rock, well not the love shit that is played on the slow rock cock channel. cant stand that shit shudders.  i mainly put my music teases to another country, such as japan, russia, germany or any nation that makes  a genre it’s own and creates something new, but in a better language.

in the end i am still dreadfully bored of everything now, it once used to have meaning and well now it just doesn’t seem to spark me interest anymore, as nothing is new in this world accept the same old copy shit that i bitched about while being bored and in a prison type top. this may sound like i should get out more, and go seek out some sort of random ass  thing to do. i am acting but still i dont get many parts and or at all, as i guess people dont like me looks and stuff like that so i go and create something with my mind and put it to celluloid. and just so you know god hates you, and i dont know why i wrote this blog beside being fucking bored out of my ass in the middle of the night, where nothing happens.  day in day out i am dead bored, always oddly wanting to sleep, not wanting to go to the gym or anywhere fun. i dont know why i feel this way, but i dont come off as depressed half the time anyway so i’m gonna call your mom and call her stinky or some shit like that to get my amusement off or i don’t know. maybe i need a hug or possibly make my own tv show, and get myself heard as my friends say i am insanely insanely entertaining and i believe that but i just dont oddly wanna push for it.

most people in rl push and push and push theirselves to get their goal and oddly always get it so i guess i have to put motivation into me, and get  a move on, as i am 30 this yr and it’s gonna fucking sucks as i will be a  middle age man not capable of getting it up anymore, classified as ancient by hot jailbait boys and hot hot  asian girls going ew go away grandpa you old, you stink you no get sucky sucky.

Published in: on July 3, 2010 at 6:35 am  Comments (1)  

go fuck yourself

why do we have idiots in this world for? it appears that no one learns that within the internet lies an asshole that goes threw the teeth to believe that he is this great entity in life, when in fact he is a big fat fucking liar that possibly has pedophilic feelings towards odd wanking squirrels or something on the line of that kind of demented bullshit. i know that people do require needs for some odd fucking reason, and have this inability or to trust people that say their this and then end up being burned by it when they find out the person behind the other world is a class 1 liar, and tries hard to make people believe he is the world. i don’t know why people aquire the need to to trust people like this, i have been in my fare share of messes within other worlds and in so called rl, but i didn’t have the decency to come meet them in rl.

i only trust people so much unless i make an connection with them, a deep one at that, and that rarely happens to me, and when i do trust them, they always have this way of just getting rid of me, so that trust barrier goes down farther for me to open up again. it is sad that people i know within sl trust everyone that they meet, that they will do anything for that person, and attack anyone that gets in the way of that friendship and whatnot, but i cant believe they’d go to fucking spain just to meet the asshole. i aint gonna risk that much money on a plane ticket just to meet them, unless i truly know what i am up against. i demand that my friends do not lie to me, and always tell me the truth, and mic with me, then i know their being almost genuine and then i’ll possibly meet them if they come here, to my city, or if i am on holiday with family go meet them in a secure location, to make sure their not bible thumpers of uranus if you know what i mean.

sometimes you have to take a stand against these people and take them down, and make their world hell, just so you can get some piece around their so called drama intoxification.

i know my friend will get better, but he will be never the same loving person that i know, he will be very sad inside for a long time, as the damage has been done to him and his family, and is now in worry that peepee head will come down and destroy his world, and make him feel like dirt,and almost move on from the world he truly loves. i will protect him if i need to, as he has been nice to me for the longest time, even when i went off at him, when i was pissed for some reason, but he gladly accepted me back into his life, and we slowly regained our friendship again.

learn to fight back man, learn to know that he will probly perish, and i will be laughing when i see that. and ned is gay well ned is really really gay and lacks intelligence, and smells of ass.

you can only meet so many people wi

Published in: on March 30, 2010 at 3:39 am  Comments (1)  


I just came across a link on the whole Second life the hidden trouble of prostitution, and frankly i do not give a fuck about it in the first place. people seem to be giving a big stink on something remotely unimportant, and i don`t get the whole bloody problem. i do not care what goes on in a virtual world as it`s not real and does not convey anything remotely of any interest of me whatsoever, but on the other hand people seem to be taking this seriously and saying oh this shit is sick, i won`t play sl anymore because this stuff goes on and it goes on like that. i really think these people are insanely stupid, and insanely unimaginative. it is just a fucking videogame for fuck sake. this stuff  is not real, so i dont get why they have to attack something that is not  real to begin with. i don`t care if your morals are that fucked up to begin with, because in a virtual world where your fantasies are supposed to come true, i`d suggest you throw your morals out the window and do what you want.  i don`t know why the media and people would even be interested in this stuff in the first place, it`s just wrong. i think their possibly the issue at hand on this post, the whole moral vs religion vs falsities of the intercepted unreality.  i am seriously laughing at the people that make this a big deal to begin with. it is a upsetting subject to other people and i still don`t know why that is. it`s coming to the point that any form of virtual art of any form is becoming against the law in many ways. for this reason  people are afraid to even emote, draw or create their inner most deepest creativity or sexuality. people are now fleeing to japan just to get out their artistic expression out their, but if they do it in another country say, gerrmany, uk, american, canada or any place outside of japan will be scrutinized and hated upon just because it happens to involve virtual or graphical depictions of  child pornography. their are no real children involved and still to this day people are whining pedo just because they simply don`t understand the values of diversity.

today i was just looking at the youtube video of hidden prostitution. huh their is not hidden prostitution, second life is just created mainly for sex. if you can`t handle the sexual nature of second life  i don`t know why you`d play it to begin with if you did not in the first place have virtual feelings for virtual avatars such as pretend kids or in their terms virtual children committing acts  of sex, when in the real world  kids do in fact engage in sexual experimentation and other things they either hear about or see. in this world they go on about how it can leak into your mind and make you want to do these things and go on about how disturbing, wrong and horrifying it is, when people just don`t fucking care. i would not doubt it if a person at sky news engaged in this kind of stuff just for the thrill of it and not for it`s notoriety of it.  if they had the decency to look and seek it out like they did in the video they seriously have some sexual issues or are so heartless to get a story out and fear the public so much that they will email or comment on their youtube page giving out their disgusting on something  that is not even good enough to bitch and moan about. this stuff has been going on for years and it wont stop and will continue to grow in popularity as the world grows older and older, for the whole thrill of getting possibly banned. people are so afraid of something that they haven`t even tried and could in the end enjoy it. if your gonna make a videogame based on the fantasies of individuals that have thoughts like this and then you decide to ban it over some news people reporting on how wrong it is and other things along that like line, is seriously afraid of getting in trouble. it was for the longest time by the lindens no cared about and then some idiot with a camera shows them pics and they just go berserk to save their own ass. what kind of company is that. i think one that`s  afraid to take risks anymore. it`s like one bad piece of publicity and a bad rep and their afraid of loosing investors and shit like that, kind of sad if you ask me.

i support virtual pedophilia and stuff like that as it shows the world that we do have the guts to do it in world and not in the real world, as their are many many laws protecting children for these types of things. it can emotionally fuck with their heads and make them almost dependent on others as they reach adult hood as they`d become to afraid to push thereselves to their deepest potential. if this stuff continues to be in world it is for the better on mankind as their will be less child endangerment as the children in the virtual worlds are adults to and should be able to do as they please without someone ruining their fun by a linden that is probably doing it too or afraid of the press molesting them in the ass about how it`s soo wrong to do these types of things in the first place. i do not find it wrong, i don`t find it offensive. i do not find anything wrong with it in any way, i think it is very healthy and very wise to do in a videogame then to do it in real life. it`s a shame that people are afraid of this stuff, as their missing out on some creativeness here. by the way things are going in the way of religion and what not, in 10 20 years from now, all sexuality of all forms will be abolished from the world, making us the disney state. religion has ruined a lot of good potential of child and adult sexuality. we have repressed so much since the 60`s and 70`s. sexuality will soon be out of existence if they way religion is taking us now. their seriously brainwashing us to think that any form of sex without marriage is immoral and wrong, when we are basically ment for sex. we live to procreate, we live to work then die and then we are told what told what to do by a man that lives in the cloud or in space for that matter, and we oddly listen to these preachers telling us about him, and how he does not want us to have sex with anyone accept in marriage and if you have sex outside of that your going to hell, and he loves you. wow some god that is. my brother jordy told me constantly that people go in packs  and if someone is offended by this shit their all offended, and that person tries to convert that person and it just never ends. i do not know this whole flock mentality when you can just make a descision by themselves and not have some guy in the clouds or in a book tell you what you cant do. these are the main reasons wars are created because some asshole with a wrong opinion is taken full throttle and takes action, and then everyone like idiots join in and take down a nation that was once good.  religion i find is a form of fear. if it is not in the book jesus  and involves something people don`t know or don`t want to know about they get all protective and shut you out staying with that constant opinion and not get once remotely say wait, hmm what a i doing, maybe if i talk to him maybe he will be nice back, not omgh he`s against our god kill him kill him or alienate him just because he has a better output then you then other people. sexuality is ment to be in everything not restrict movement. i think sexuality is in kids, but people believe in their innocence so much, that any form of mommy my friend stuck his pp in my bum and it was warm, and he sucked it also. when the parent here something like this they just start screaming, panicking and end up blowing a simple exploration attempt as wrong, immoral and couldnt happen. well it does, i have had it happen to at a young age, and i remember the warm feeling i got from it. yes kids can feel sensations in their private area`s but parents don`t tell their kids anything at an early age  as their deeply afraid that maybe the kid will go out searching for it, and possibly learn to enjoy it,  and not be afraid of it when their parents say oh honey what that boy did was wrong. if it was my kid i`d say did you enjoy it, did you consent to it. not omgh he did what calls cops. this is the reason why people are freaking out over second lifes virtual representation of it. as they are still stuck in the mind of believing what the media is telling them, and won`t dare question it. if it`s not real i don`t care and shouldn`t even be mentioned.

Published in: on February 24, 2010 at 5:49 pm  Leave a Comment  

the world is against me

i now feel that the world and everyone is against me now, and want nothing to do with me,  just because i act a certain way that is not what people would consider normal, or even remotely cool for some odd reason at that.  i don`t get how people have so many expectations of me and think that, if  i don`t , they will have any excuse to get rid of me or ban me from their life entirely and leave me out of the picture forever. i don`t get this whole function as one bullshit!!. if your told to be yourself and don`t be anyone else but yourself should be discarded after you reach adulthood, it just does not happen at all, and i don`t even know why we are told to be ourselves when further down the road it`s like you cannot say things like that it`s not nice, it`s something you should not say to anyone. why would people throughout our childhood tell us to never grow up and never change, and then when you say something totally out of line they just get insanely weird on you,

and again end up fucking off again out of your life, just because you basically stated your opinion.  to me these are just words and have no justification  to be taken seriously, but to be taken with little regard, and have ability to walk it off, and not just say you know man i`m done with you, i`m sick of your shit. i don`t even know what  they mean by shit, because i have never pooped on the, and i don`t think i`d want to poop on them it just is not my thing. if the worlds has this  so called way of thinking, i just don`t want to be apart of their so called life, and just be all to myself, not caring what happens of me in the near futures. i don`t understand the basis of reality, if your told to shelter yourself off from  being in anyway hurtful or truthful. bending the truth to me is not cool, it totally destroys what your saying, and sometimes in the end makes you feel like an idiot, as you really wanted to say it, but what society, religion   and other things have this mentality of saying that being yourself is a curse, being yourself is not the way to be, but if you hold in your thoughts, hold in your true feelings  for what you feel about them or other people is the best way to be. to me that is basically being fake,

and having nothing to put to table at all. we are suppressed   sexually, intellectually and other things that society does not seem right  to other people has to be held in until one day you have this big nervous breakdown that cause extremeness, and you basically end up hurting the ones you love more the ones that truly hate you. it can takes it toll insanely, and can sometimes literally cause death as the trauma can be too much to handle if your emotions as just tucked away.  a person were`s a shit outfit, your in your head thinking dammit that suit is hideous and should be left in some old retired dumpster down near the homeless shelter so it can rot, but the spoken speech version outside of your head = oh that`s a nice suit, where did you get. is it vintage. who the hell speaks like that on a daily basis and the next hour is thinking inside, i should of said what i wanted to say. i do not care if peoples feelings get hurt, it`s called telling the truth, not suppressing the thought. people also have a happen to break their promises to me also, they tell me dude i will never leave you, i will always be your friend and not hurt you. well guess what those people are full of shit and are not to be trusted at all, because literally in the end their gone, not even caring what will happen to you, walking about like the heartless bastards that they are. if your not gonna give me your direct word, why the fuck are you even trying to be friends with me. i value friendship more then others realize, and their too stubborn to get it past their skull that, i am true to my word a lot of the time, and i will not turn my back on someone just cause of some stupid thing they did.

i don`t like to be lied to, or said that they will always be their to support you. it`s all lies in the end, nothing but lies, and the only way out is either by killing yourself, or just pushing yourself so far away from them that you are socially unaware of these people anymore. the government lie threw their teeth too, but i don`t see them doing much else. i would call the government manipulators if you asking me always bending the truth, trying to make everyone happy, but in the end like my friends in second life or in real life everyone just lies threw their teeth to get what they want or whatever they want to accomplish around you. i find that not right and not cool. i was  recently kicked out from an sl i family i really liked, and they give me this stupid excuse of i cause chaos, and create havoc, but never think of the consequences.  that was a stupid statement in the end, and she also promised i could stay forever, and that she was my friend, but no she had to kick me out like everyone else and not have the decency to work it out with me, so i got insanely pissed off at her, and threatened her. i still like her but she should not have the right to lie to me threw her teeth. my now ex sl girlfriend also lied to me, and she claims she is sick of my sick, and all i did was tell her off about her shitty ass real life and kid, and she takes it to heart,

and goes on about how she is sick of my shit, and i did nothing wrong but tell her how i felt about her real life, and she considers that my shit. that`s  pretty low in a lot of levels if you ask me. the thing is if you promise to be my friend you have to be their 100 percent no matter the shit i stir, because friendship is strong forever in my eyes, and meaningless in the eyes of others. i also hate it when they only give me minutes attention and spend more time with someone else then me. it is not me being selfish, but i loose attention when they get their so called boyfriends, and forget that i even exist, and do everything together, and shut me out of the picture. you should not have friends if your gonna spend hrs upon hrs with your partner, then even acknowledge that your friends exist is pretty low. i know that their your  everything and all, but at least have the time to talk to me like the old days, and not be afraid of new things. i am not  a bad guy, but when you corner me i will be your worst nightmare,

and that was what happened last night, i could not help myself, cause the person that said they loved me go rid of me like i was a piece of dirt. i know she was gonna be my friend, but you should not be a fucking wanker and make me feel less of a person.  i deeply love the people still that i hurt a lot, and don`t realize i hurt them more then i know. it is not my fault some of the time that i cannot feel their emotions threw their typing or there so called typing body language. i do not want to be talked down to, and told oh your out of the family but we can still be friends or some shit along those lines. i think she did not really mean it as next moment she is removing me, returning my stuff from the sim i bloody lived on. that is not a sign of a friend, more on the lines of oh i`m sorry, i am your friend but i do not want you in my life anymore. that is not friendship, that is called get rid of me, and not caring about me in anyway. people have this feeling that i am a threat against their second life happiness, when all i do is be my self and nothing, more and to them that`s not good enough,

i have to be this false super nice asshole that everyone expect, cannot be someone that i am not, but the people in their think that i can think before i speak, think before i act, think before i whatever the fuck that means.  i am fucking sick of the people in sl telling me how and how i can`t act, as it disrupts their train of thoughts. i do not like being lied to, i want the immediate truth, and not have someone go the extra mile to believe that i don`t fucking mix or fit in with their false realities in a game that is so boring now, and so uninspiring, that they have the guts to just nod me off, yes i say this a lot it`s the fucking truth. their was one person i truly cared about, and that guy decided to think i shat on him as a friend and brother, when i did not, i just told someone something i saw in another grid, and he gets this feelings that i have risked his boyfriends sl account, when i know for a fact that he was not gonna get banned. just because i  may of took the piss for a skin, does not give you the right to take your boyfriends side, people fuck up so it should be forgotten really fast. i have this odd theory, that people have no right to get mad at me, no right to even throw me away, and if they do get mad their only allowed to get rid of me or be mad for only 30 minutes and everything has to be fine again, and not the other way around. i have been fighting some hard battles in rl too, from people saying i should grow up, act my age, get a job,

get out of the house more maybe get married and get your own places. i do not know what they mean by these things. i don`t know why people have this obsession of being grownup, acting mature as soon as you hit adulthood. i don`t believe in that, i believe the being forced to change for society is so wrong, and in it`s own right not cool.

i will not be a role model for any kid for that matter, or look bloody professional, that`s not how i work, but oddly 99 percent of these people fucking comply with these standards, and i see them slowly start to loose their fun side, loose their life, loose their happiness, and become this fake monster inside of them. if we are told to be this way, what is the point to live if we are going to be a lobotomized maggot.  that is not the way life goes. in my version of life, and threw the world that i see is that you should be yourself, be fun, be happy, be random, travel the world meet new people and die. that`s how the world should be instead of being told that you have to work to live. pay for your food, bills and anything that you truly desire to be, but  this is also a form of mind control ,programming and  population control. i have seen lots of people seriously loose their minds in a world that is ruled around what is right and what is wrong, we should have the ability to do as we please and not have the moral police come at your house saying. oh i`m sorry but your under arrest for having free thought process.  just like that amazing movie equilibrium.    it`s like we are being controlled by everything, and if we don`t do it the way that the  thought police have programmed into you, your grounds for fast termination in the most painful way possible. brain deletion and being put in a controlled environment, being  showed pictures of what normal people do, and if you refuse this, they will make you see it their way by sticking a warm needle up your bum, and put in the   anti thought process room, and be shown video`s of what the world is like in a nice happy way, and not be having to deal with the one that has free thought process, and make them look bad. it`s all in the paperwork people, if you reach behind your brain and feel that little lump on the back of your skull. that`s where the other police also known as the thought police linger around, watching everything you do, watching what you think. they are always around you making sure that one day you do fuck up, and that is the day

they come for you, and take you to the anti thought room and hospital, and force happy on you by any means to get you in line. yes they do place their hand on that bulge in the back of your skull and slowly and painfully removing it, and  then delete it, and then putting in another one in their, so it`s even harder to fuck up threw thought process, and they hurt you even more if they break that mold,. the first one tracks you, the 2nd one gives you a major headache, and if you mess up one last time, they put the huge thought process plug in you, with a little bomb, that if you once i mean once fuck up or try to even become the way you once were will literally blow up. detaching your brain from it`s stem creating  brain disconnect. once that happens you will be  something that they want from the get go, but since you messed up those many times you are now a pin cushion and also a coma induced  mental patient, having know plans to ever wake up. your basically a living guinea pig waiting to be experimented on, and having know way of knowing where you are, what is happening to you. you will basically have nothing to lose anymore as you will be slowly and i mean slowly gone from this world, and will have know way of returning to a fun state anymore, just their will.if you by chance do get out, you will one of them, yes just them your mind will be gone, your freedom though process will be gone,

their will be nothing left of your old self, even your subconscious will be gone.  i do not want that to happen to me at all, but the way i am going. it is gonna happen fairly soon and i will fight these bastards until the day i die, i will not be apart of this so called world anymore, i will just be the one that everyone forgot, the one that is no longer in their lives anymore, no longer aware that i am alive or dead. so in the end it was nice to know you all, but i am not truly not ment to be here anymore. i don`t like this state i am in , but  i can`t bare to be in a world like this any longer. i will be the one that time forgot, and live on the way i am now, different, kind of happy and  a person with free thought process and not hidden behind the wall of deceit, but the one that is truly himself and normal.

goodbye everyone, it was nice while i was still alive, but i cant work or be in a world where i cannot have the ability to be myself and have to be this false entity that is fake, unfun and uncool. if you cannot accept me in this bleak,unfocused ,heartless, sadistically harmful realities. i will cease to exist within your mind,and continue on in the darkness, waiting to someday find myself, and find the world that truly accepts me.

i hope your happy for what you have done and created in a world full of moral police, thought police and asshole that don`t understand my ways of thinking, and dialect.

by all. Serverus.

by the way, i love this song here and is very very emotional for me. their called gratitude. enjoy    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59EgHG8H9Pg

Published in: on February 10, 2010 at 6:14 am  Comments (2)  

fuck the press.

huh. i seriously been thinking about how the press aka news people have been always pushing for the stupidest things, and oddly get enough power to bend that truth and make people believe what they have written. i fucking hate that man. their is one topic that i don’t truly give a fuck about but oddly it instates fear into everyone. it has to do with virtual sex that involves so called child avatars. sky news seems to think that this kind of behavior is wrong, and wrote a report and video about how sick and disturbing it is. i do not find this act of synthetic ageplay to be sick or disturbing at all. if we are to outlive our fantasies in a virtual world we should have the freedom to do what we want, and not have some fucked up news freak going off on us, saying that it could lead up to a real crime, which i find kind of stupid and insane. they wrote two reports on it, expressing their deepest disgust for acts like this. i think this is the stuff that makes people scream, and when they hear it they want to kill it really fast and not care about the outcome. the outcomes is that the places that has virtual synthetic sex would be forced to shut down. i don’t get why this has to be such a big hassle. the word oddly seems to embark on dangerous ground, and would do anything it can to make the press or whoever reported it look good. i hate it when people have to save their own asses or run fucking scared to believe that it’s going to affect them. if the business it creates is massive i think it should be accepted and not be considered taboo in a world where synthetic lust is thought as of being real.

it is just a fantasy the most people this day and age think of but are too ashamed to do or think about it, in fear of getting arrested or beat the fuck up. if it is virtual i truly do not have a problem with it. it doesn’t do any harm to anyone, and in a world where sexual repression is key is thanks to most religions views that sexuality is harmful and wrong and should only be done with so and so, is kind of cliche now that you think of it. we are pure sexual beings and we will basically fuck anything that gives a flirt or a notion that we want to mate. and religion, morals, press, government and all that shit has said that anything done to a person under the so called consent factor is evil. the word is also a panic button for people that don’t understand the nature of it and go nuts, and try to take down the source of that place. they always scream think of the kids. i don’t think anyone including the press should tell us how to act or think, as we will soon take them down and be free radicals.

lying seems to be a key source when it comes to stuff like this. i would prefer that the press would leave the subject alone and possibly go alright, it’s virtual so i’m not gonna care what’s happening here. if it doesn’t go in rl it shouldnt be a problem.

i hate the press has so much power over us and the world, that a single word of anything bad will instate shock into community. i seriously do not get why everyone has to believe what these liars are saying to people, just so we will either read it or sent a complaint to have it removed. if we are told to have freedom of speech and whatever. we should have the right to talk to press on and see how long it takes before they crack and realize that the press is either full of shit or complete liars. the press seem to rule the entire world right now. i feel that the press isn’t important at all. if some fuck from the press began to write a story about the film i made and how the subject matter would create chaos i would say cool. i would then reshoot some more footage to make it even more insane to piss off that journalist. i’m not gonna comply to the persons demand. if i have upset a member of the press by making a movie, a picture or whatever i’m gonna be so glad i did that, as i struck a nerve in their psyche. we need to fight back 10 times worse and not care what they have to say.

half the world is brainwashed anyway so their gonna completely disregard it anyway so blah. i am truly not offended, feel sickened by anything in the rl world accept for press that make lies on something so minor that it makes the creators of a videogame go nuts, and cover themselves up and be pg. the press are not important at all.

ok i am done rambling in a circle as it’s continuing to make no sense like 2 pages up, so i don’t care what people think about the subject. i don’t care that it bothers you in the slightest. this isn’t your fight. just remember that i will be watching your ass all the time. so smiles to my middle finger bitches.

serverus out.

Published in: on November 13, 2009 at 3:03 am  Leave a Comment  

i am going insane

I am seriously going insane now, their is absolutely nothing to do anymore. i am insanely bored right now and have nothing to remotely do, it’s like reality is loosing it’s mind on the world around me. i took my pc in on monday and it is taking forever for those assholes to upgrade it to what i am asking for, and the days that i dont have it are the days i literally just loose my mind, and have nothing to do but play my 360 and goof off for unknown reasons. having a no computer and just a laptop an apple laptop fucking sucks, as their not capable of playing bloody videogames. i just got modern warfare 2 and dragon age origins on the pc, and thanks to those idiots i cannot play it till possibly bloody monday, and that is 1 day before left 4 dead 12 comes out. i am feeling like i wanna get destructive and cause utter chaos in the world of sl and the real world. i may have too much time on my hands, but being away from my baby can be hectic to my schedule. i would really like my pc to be back tomorrow but it probably wont be here by then either. i have been going off at my friends for some because i need some form of entertainment to get based this excrusciating boredom.

i do love to read books for hrs on end most of the time, but lately i just have been addicted to this shite videogame called sl. i been on this horrid game for over 3 yrs coming this weekend, and their is nothing left to do in it beside have sex and hang with my friends and be insanely stupid. i have been creating some movies lately and have been trying to make some movies happen, but we are editing this one right now. is their anyone out their, is their anyone paying attention in the world of nothingness? if you are why the fuck am i wasting my life on a game that doesn’t even give shite back to the community and create dramatic wars just so they can be on some other cunts side. i just don’t bloody get it. i know you have issues people but it doesn’t give you the right to be cocks about it, and create this anarchy. only i can do that, as i am good at fighting and other shite like that. sometimes i just want you guys to leave me alone, as i feel that i don’t belong in this world called sl or in rl, as i can’t generally be accepted by most. they claim i am mean, uncool or offensive when the fact is i am not… . they oddly decide to label me as this incessant person that doesn’t know how to keep his cool in a randomly weird argument technically about past issues or some shit like that. my humor can be from fighting, but it’s a shame that these people do not get it, or have to proclaim that i am attacking them when it’s their own idiotic consciousness that is creating this so called attacking of them. they have this inserts built in that auto detect what is attacking them, and what isn’t. i don’t get why people always claim i am attacking them when i am just fucking around trying to make myself laugh and possibly them. normalcy seems to reign king in sl. if your not in the so called in crowd where you have to be the same, don’t tread on dangerous ground and have no traits or character in the way that they express themselves. i do not know why i stay in an extremely boring game to begin with.

i know i have many friends in sl that always back me up when i am in some sort of chaotic moment but that is slowly dying for me, as their is clearly nothing left for me to do anymore. i love most of the people i talk to but they talk less and less to me now thanks to the fact that they got boyfriends or girlfriends. they oddly seem to think that you have to give them more attention then me and forget i exist. i hate it when i meet a close friend, and they get a new partner and they care and talk to that person and forget that i am in their lives too and just as important. i love to hang out with them, but when i mic them they seem to always talk over me and i gotta tell them to shut the fuck up before i can get a word across. they only care about that one person and don’t care about me as much anymore, and when they do that it slowly drives me away from their closeness and trust. the more they ignore me and talk less of me the more i’m gonna push myself away from them and talk in one word answers. i miss the people that i talk to back in the day but they claim their either busy in rl or hanging our with those things they call boyfriends and girlfriends it’s just pathetic to listen to. i have become insanely grouchy to people that ignore me and pay 0 attention to me. i just want to be noticed again like the old times, when everything was crazy and they go and change on me. that is not cool.

i love you guys but i need sometime alone or someone to actually be their for me. my girl in sl isn’t truly interested in me anymore as she’s hardly on and goes afk half the fucking time it’s unfair to me and watching that thing.

Serverus out.

Published in: on November 13, 2009 at 2:43 am  Leave a Comment  


well i have been stressing hard the last couple of days. it is really bugging me inside,emotions wise. i am making a movie this sunday afternoon and it’s the first time i have made a film in about a year or two, and this is the first time i will ever be making a movie myself. my full direction with the crew, photographer and the food getter guy. so this is gonna be hard for me to grasp for the fact that i might fail. like i will do really good i bet from my vivid imagination but from my previous directoral debut about suicide was directed by me, but with my mom being the one that kills herself off, but made her go in less then 38 seconds when i have like 2 mins of film to deal with, and that pretty much fucked up my experience. then i made some films with my friend jeff and was the grunt in the background observing and helping. it feels nice to get into the field that i love and someone actually forcing me to get off my ass and shoot some coool homemade, no budget movies with some more originality then what the hollywood poopers have to work with.

i am a very easy going guy and easy to work with if i am not frustrated to the core from telling people what to do or from the insanity i cause people inside life for no reason at all. along with that the shoot will also incorperate a documentary about me making the film and showing the actors what to do in the film, and me get very vocal with the camera to tell them how i feel about them in a certain way. i looked at some of the footage about me and how i expressed myself but i couldn’t get over the fact that i looked so fucking fat, ugly and sort of tiredish looking i guess with a hint of excitement. my friend carmello was like ” i never seen him so focused” and i had a little laugh when i began to act like a little kid and how they act over crayons and stuff like that looool.

yes i do have a weird sense of humor and sometimes i dont know makes people think i am being a nutter when i am fooling around, but my friend got it, but my friend was like “i haven’t seen that in a long time” and ” i dont know about that when i said it was funny but when he said i made it up he was like ” oh them that is pretty funny” he has previously worked with me in other films, and acted in films with him, and also teached me the ways of lights, gels and scrims to help make different lighting different colors for the background. it was pretty interesting for what he told me 3 years ago.

in the end i hope that this movie comes out good for me and gets to some festivals, but if it doesn’t turn up the way i would expect it too i’m just gonna put the documentary on youtube and see how it goes from their. i think it will turn out ok after we edit it but sometimes not many people are ready for seeing their work as it can sometimes prove otherwise at their talent. look at woody allen.

my brother jordy got on mr arse to my friend jeff about how it’s great for me to get off my arse again and do something instead of be lazy. i love the guy loool, even if i accidently give him stress all the bloody time or once and awhile as i dont listen to him too often but i do often try. does the mighty safety dance to hope the shoot will be fucking amazing to do.

Published in: on June 19, 2009 at 3:42 am  Leave a Comment  

goodbye brother.

Hello Sacha i think it’s time we cut an end to our brotherhood you have done nothing but fuck up everything that i have given into you.  yeah how does it feel to have someone that u cared about to go away from your fucking pathetic ass, your not a very nice person at all. i used to believe that you were the one for me and the one that had stuff in common with a random and insane person like me, but in the end you turned out to be nothing but a queen, a drama llama nothing of utter importance to me, and it’s a shame that you have to live your live as a soulless cunt that you are.  i showed you my heart, you showed me yours, but as the weeks went on your fucking sad attempts to get your asshole boyfriend, back when he did nothing but fuck up our friendship and a bond that i created  to you, but know you had to throw that  all out the window and go back to him each and every time. you would always bitch and moan that he loved you, but in the end he didn’t give to fucks about you but you still went back to him, even when it hurt me to no end. you didn’t even truly care what was going threw my mind. all you did was spend time with that freak you call a man. i cant believe that you would throw away your own brother the one that helped you threw some harsh times in sl. you never truly gave a fuck about it did you, as you got rid of me just like that fucker asked you too. your love and devotion to him is nothing but mentalized nothingness.  your a person that doesn’t know what he fucking wants in his life, and go around destroying it for others in your wake, not caring who gets his the hardest. you have blew all the chances, trust and my love to the limit and i cant stand to see myself in this hurt, upset and tenderness that i have gotten from your chaotic and destructive ways. did you ever care about me you fuck? well from what you have showed me you had never given me anything back but sex, randomness that is all you gave me, and you threw it all away just for some happiness in your fucking life. well i hope your happy that you fucked me over and put matsui into tears when you pulled that little stunt back when you tried to kill yourself over some boy and man. yea killing yourself just because your daddy said no. that is a sad, moronic, pathetic thing to do yourself just because your little daddy sad no, awww poor baby did daddy say no?  you have to be the most saddest person in the world to kill yourself over one boy named samirr or whatever his real name was. in the end you will be alone, know one to lean on, know one to talk to. in fact know one even cares about your existance in life. yeah your that sad of a person to think taht anyone could love you half as good as you. yeah your basically just love you and only you, and anyone that gets in your way of you is either thrown away or just basically not spoken too.

you don’t even know the honor of true loyalty to a friend or to a brother. you have just shown me  that you have know attempt of caring about anyone anymore.  do you know where knifes come from bro hmm? i guess not eh? but if you do happen to find a large knife with your name on it, i hope you know what to do with it instead of crying at me with your drama inducing ways. i do not care about you, i do not want to see you and if i ever see you around me again, you will pray to god that you have used that knife on a certain part of your body. oh right your too fucked up,mental and stupid to even realize what to do with it. you also have a thing of using people for your sexualized needs and nothing more. yea i guess sex is all you know, simply for the fact that you actually were sexually abused as a boy, but is so afraid to admit it happened, that you use the excuse that your family never loves you or treats you like shit, when in fact it’s you that’s the problem and not them. my good friend lars tried to save you from that life and style, but know you just didn’t truly care about him anymore or just used him as a sexual slave then an actual boyfriend or for that matter a partner. he literally saved your life in real life, and what thanks does he get? oh right a divorce so you can go and fuck some 18yr old hermathradite.  yea that isn’t the true value of giving something back to someone that really did care about you, and in the end you just used him as bate,got close to him to get back at me or whoever was bugging you at the time out of your life.  you know if you continue the path that you are even if you are in your 20’s nothing will happen to you really, you’ll just die a whore and probly you’d be ugly by the time you were 30 anyway, because u’d probly be beaten so bad that your face and body would need stitches and you wouldn’t liked to be seen.

in the end i hope your fucking happen for what you did to everyone that truly put love into your heart, and  gave you everything that you asked for and you still used them as cattle and didn’t know what you wanted from them. they in return hate you more then you can ever realize or hope to expect from them. i truly don’t give a fuck anymore. this was your fault to begin with. if you did truly have a sweet heart like you showed me, why are you now out of second life where i knew you’d end up after everyone that was their threw you away because of how you treated them and an act of cowardice that was so low, that it got you nowhere but the same place as before alone with know one to even hold you hand in the suicide watch area.  you were probably crying in their and you were so afraid to even admit it. just because you are hot in real life, like sex and other shite like that doesn’t give you the right to through me away like some useless garbage. my closest brother and friends were right about you. your nothing but a drama queen that needs to be stayed away from, and have know contact with the outside world. they were protecting me from scum fucking anal beavers like you away from me, but i was too much lusted after you that i forgot how bad it would get me. i hope you rot in an old abandoned psychoward where you scream everyday, and know one ever comes to say hello, accept when they wanna put a knife in your butt or needle in your butt or wherever they put it, shall saw away at it, just to calm you down and realize that your still alive and suffering in a place where only the insane should be. goodbye forever you hateful motherfucker. you belong to nothingness and shall remain so.

Published in: on April 16, 2009 at 12:53 am  Leave a Comment