the world is against me

i now feel that the world and everyone is against me now, and want nothing to do with me,  just because i act a certain way that is not what people would consider normal, or even remotely cool for some odd reason at that.  i don`t get how people have so many expectations of me and think that, if  i don`t , they will have any excuse to get rid of me or ban me from their life entirely and leave me out of the picture forever. i don`t get this whole function as one bullshit!!. if your told to be yourself and don`t be anyone else but yourself should be discarded after you reach adulthood, it just does not happen at all, and i don`t even know why we are told to be ourselves when further down the road it`s like you cannot say things like that it`s not nice, it`s something you should not say to anyone. why would people throughout our childhood tell us to never grow up and never change, and then when you say something totally out of line they just get insanely weird on you,

and again end up fucking off again out of your life, just because you basically stated your opinion.  to me these are just words and have no justification  to be taken seriously, but to be taken with little regard, and have ability to walk it off, and not just say you know man i`m done with you, i`m sick of your shit. i don`t even know what  they mean by shit, because i have never pooped on the, and i don`t think i`d want to poop on them it just is not my thing. if the worlds has this  so called way of thinking, i just don`t want to be apart of their so called life, and just be all to myself, not caring what happens of me in the near futures. i don`t understand the basis of reality, if your told to shelter yourself off from  being in anyway hurtful or truthful. bending the truth to me is not cool, it totally destroys what your saying, and sometimes in the end makes you feel like an idiot, as you really wanted to say it, but what society, religion   and other things have this mentality of saying that being yourself is a curse, being yourself is not the way to be, but if you hold in your thoughts, hold in your true feelings  for what you feel about them or other people is the best way to be. to me that is basically being fake,

and having nothing to put to table at all. we are suppressed   sexually, intellectually and other things that society does not seem right  to other people has to be held in until one day you have this big nervous breakdown that cause extremeness, and you basically end up hurting the ones you love more the ones that truly hate you. it can takes it toll insanely, and can sometimes literally cause death as the trauma can be too much to handle if your emotions as just tucked away.  a person were`s a shit outfit, your in your head thinking dammit that suit is hideous and should be left in some old retired dumpster down near the homeless shelter so it can rot, but the spoken speech version outside of your head = oh that`s a nice suit, where did you get. is it vintage. who the hell speaks like that on a daily basis and the next hour is thinking inside, i should of said what i wanted to say. i do not care if peoples feelings get hurt, it`s called telling the truth, not suppressing the thought. people also have a happen to break their promises to me also, they tell me dude i will never leave you, i will always be your friend and not hurt you. well guess what those people are full of shit and are not to be trusted at all, because literally in the end their gone, not even caring what will happen to you, walking about like the heartless bastards that they are. if your not gonna give me your direct word, why the fuck are you even trying to be friends with me. i value friendship more then others realize, and their too stubborn to get it past their skull that, i am true to my word a lot of the time, and i will not turn my back on someone just cause of some stupid thing they did.

i don`t like to be lied to, or said that they will always be their to support you. it`s all lies in the end, nothing but lies, and the only way out is either by killing yourself, or just pushing yourself so far away from them that you are socially unaware of these people anymore. the government lie threw their teeth too, but i don`t see them doing much else. i would call the government manipulators if you asking me always bending the truth, trying to make everyone happy, but in the end like my friends in second life or in real life everyone just lies threw their teeth to get what they want or whatever they want to accomplish around you. i find that not right and not cool. i was  recently kicked out from an sl i family i really liked, and they give me this stupid excuse of i cause chaos, and create havoc, but never think of the consequences.  that was a stupid statement in the end, and she also promised i could stay forever, and that she was my friend, but no she had to kick me out like everyone else and not have the decency to work it out with me, so i got insanely pissed off at her, and threatened her. i still like her but she should not have the right to lie to me threw her teeth. my now ex sl girlfriend also lied to me, and she claims she is sick of my sick, and all i did was tell her off about her shitty ass real life and kid, and she takes it to heart,

and goes on about how she is sick of my shit, and i did nothing wrong but tell her how i felt about her real life, and she considers that my shit. that`s  pretty low in a lot of levels if you ask me. the thing is if you promise to be my friend you have to be their 100 percent no matter the shit i stir, because friendship is strong forever in my eyes, and meaningless in the eyes of others. i also hate it when they only give me minutes attention and spend more time with someone else then me. it is not me being selfish, but i loose attention when they get their so called boyfriends, and forget that i even exist, and do everything together, and shut me out of the picture. you should not have friends if your gonna spend hrs upon hrs with your partner, then even acknowledge that your friends exist is pretty low. i know that their your  everything and all, but at least have the time to talk to me like the old days, and not be afraid of new things. i am not  a bad guy, but when you corner me i will be your worst nightmare,

and that was what happened last night, i could not help myself, cause the person that said they loved me go rid of me like i was a piece of dirt. i know she was gonna be my friend, but you should not be a fucking wanker and make me feel less of a person.  i deeply love the people still that i hurt a lot, and don`t realize i hurt them more then i know. it is not my fault some of the time that i cannot feel their emotions threw their typing or there so called typing body language. i do not want to be talked down to, and told oh your out of the family but we can still be friends or some shit along those lines. i think she did not really mean it as next moment she is removing me, returning my stuff from the sim i bloody lived on. that is not a sign of a friend, more on the lines of oh i`m sorry, i am your friend but i do not want you in my life anymore. that is not friendship, that is called get rid of me, and not caring about me in anyway. people have this feeling that i am a threat against their second life happiness, when all i do is be my self and nothing, more and to them that`s not good enough,

i have to be this false super nice asshole that everyone expect, cannot be someone that i am not, but the people in their think that i can think before i speak, think before i act, think before i whatever the fuck that means.  i am fucking sick of the people in sl telling me how and how i can`t act, as it disrupts their train of thoughts. i do not like being lied to, i want the immediate truth, and not have someone go the extra mile to believe that i don`t fucking mix or fit in with their false realities in a game that is so boring now, and so uninspiring, that they have the guts to just nod me off, yes i say this a lot it`s the fucking truth. their was one person i truly cared about, and that guy decided to think i shat on him as a friend and brother, when i did not, i just told someone something i saw in another grid, and he gets this feelings that i have risked his boyfriends sl account, when i know for a fact that he was not gonna get banned. just because i  may of took the piss for a skin, does not give you the right to take your boyfriends side, people fuck up so it should be forgotten really fast. i have this odd theory, that people have no right to get mad at me, no right to even throw me away, and if they do get mad their only allowed to get rid of me or be mad for only 30 minutes and everything has to be fine again, and not the other way around. i have been fighting some hard battles in rl too, from people saying i should grow up, act my age, get a job,

get out of the house more maybe get married and get your own places. i do not know what they mean by these things. i don`t know why people have this obsession of being grownup, acting mature as soon as you hit adulthood. i don`t believe in that, i believe the being forced to change for society is so wrong, and in it`s own right not cool.

i will not be a role model for any kid for that matter, or look bloody professional, that`s not how i work, but oddly 99 percent of these people fucking comply with these standards, and i see them slowly start to loose their fun side, loose their life, loose their happiness, and become this fake monster inside of them. if we are told to be this way, what is the point to live if we are going to be a lobotomized maggot.  that is not the way life goes. in my version of life, and threw the world that i see is that you should be yourself, be fun, be happy, be random, travel the world meet new people and die. that`s how the world should be instead of being told that you have to work to live. pay for your food, bills and anything that you truly desire to be, but  this is also a form of mind control ,programming and  population control. i have seen lots of people seriously loose their minds in a world that is ruled around what is right and what is wrong, we should have the ability to do as we please and not have the moral police come at your house saying. oh i`m sorry but your under arrest for having free thought process.  just like that amazing movie equilibrium.    it`s like we are being controlled by everything, and if we don`t do it the way that the  thought police have programmed into you, your grounds for fast termination in the most painful way possible. brain deletion and being put in a controlled environment, being  showed pictures of what normal people do, and if you refuse this, they will make you see it their way by sticking a warm needle up your bum, and put in the   anti thought process room, and be shown video`s of what the world is like in a nice happy way, and not be having to deal with the one that has free thought process, and make them look bad. it`s all in the paperwork people, if you reach behind your brain and feel that little lump on the back of your skull. that`s where the other police also known as the thought police linger around, watching everything you do, watching what you think. they are always around you making sure that one day you do fuck up, and that is the day

they come for you, and take you to the anti thought room and hospital, and force happy on you by any means to get you in line. yes they do place their hand on that bulge in the back of your skull and slowly and painfully removing it, and  then delete it, and then putting in another one in their, so it`s even harder to fuck up threw thought process, and they hurt you even more if they break that mold,. the first one tracks you, the 2nd one gives you a major headache, and if you mess up one last time, they put the huge thought process plug in you, with a little bomb, that if you once i mean once fuck up or try to even become the way you once were will literally blow up. detaching your brain from it`s stem creating  brain disconnect. once that happens you will be  something that they want from the get go, but since you messed up those many times you are now a pin cushion and also a coma induced  mental patient, having know plans to ever wake up. your basically a living guinea pig waiting to be experimented on, and having know way of knowing where you are, what is happening to you. you will basically have nothing to lose anymore as you will be slowly and i mean slowly gone from this world, and will have know way of returning to a fun state anymore, just their will.if you by chance do get out, you will one of them, yes just them your mind will be gone, your freedom though process will be gone,

their will be nothing left of your old self, even your subconscious will be gone.  i do not want that to happen to me at all, but the way i am going. it is gonna happen fairly soon and i will fight these bastards until the day i die, i will not be apart of this so called world anymore, i will just be the one that everyone forgot, the one that is no longer in their lives anymore, no longer aware that i am alive or dead. so in the end it was nice to know you all, but i am not truly not ment to be here anymore. i don`t like this state i am in , but  i can`t bare to be in a world like this any longer. i will be the one that time forgot, and live on the way i am now, different, kind of happy and  a person with free thought process and not hidden behind the wall of deceit, but the one that is truly himself and normal.

goodbye everyone, it was nice while i was still alive, but i cant work or be in a world where i cannot have the ability to be myself and have to be this false entity that is fake, unfun and uncool. if you cannot accept me in this bleak,unfocused ,heartless, sadistically harmful realities. i will cease to exist within your mind,and continue on in the darkness, waiting to someday find myself, and find the world that truly accepts me.

i hope your happy for what you have done and created in a world full of moral police, thought police and asshole that don`t understand my ways of thinking, and dialect.

by all. Serverus.

by the way, i love this song here and is very very emotional for me. their called gratitude. enjoy    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59EgHG8H9Pg