well i have been stressing hard the last couple of days. it is really bugging me inside,emotions wise. i am making a movie this sunday afternoon and it’s the first time i have made a film in about a year or two, and this is the first time i will ever be making a movie myself. my full direction with the crew, photographer and the food getter guy. so this is gonna be hard for me to grasp for the fact that i might fail. like i will do really good i bet from my vivid imagination but from my previous directoral debut about suicide was directed by me, but with my mom being the one that kills herself off, but made her go in less then 38 seconds when i have like 2 mins of film to deal with, and that pretty much fucked up my experience. then i made some films with my friend jeff and was the grunt in the background observing and helping. it feels nice to get into the field that i love and someone actually forcing me to get off my ass and shoot some coool homemade, no budget movies with some more originality then what the hollywood poopers have to work with.
i am a very easy going guy and easy to work with if i am not frustrated to the core from telling people what to do or from the insanity i cause people inside life for no reason at all. along with that the shoot will also incorperate a documentary about me making the film and showing the actors what to do in the film, and me get very vocal with the camera to tell them how i feel about them in a certain way. i looked at some of the footage about me and how i expressed myself but i couldn’t get over the fact that i looked so fucking fat, ugly and sort of tiredish looking i guess with a hint of excitement. my friend carmello was like ” i never seen him so focused” and i had a little laugh when i began to act like a little kid and how they act over crayons and stuff like that looool.
yes i do have a weird sense of humor and sometimes i dont know makes people think i am being a nutter when i am fooling around, but my friend got it, but my friend was like “i haven’t seen that in a long time” and ” i dont know about that when i said it was funny but when he said i made it up he was like ” oh them that is pretty funny” he has previously worked with me in other films, and acted in films with him, and also teached me the ways of lights, gels and scrims to help make different lighting different colors for the background. it was pretty interesting for what he told me 3 years ago.
in the end i hope that this movie comes out good for me and gets to some festivals, but if it doesn’t turn up the way i would expect it too i’m just gonna put the documentary on youtube and see how it goes from their. i think it will turn out ok after we edit it but sometimes not many people are ready for seeing their work as it can sometimes prove otherwise at their talent. look at woody allen.
my brother jordy got on mr arse to my friend jeff about how it’s great for me to get off my arse again and do something instead of be lazy. i love the guy loool, even if i accidently give him stress all the bloody time or once and awhile as i dont listen to him too often but i do often try. does the mighty safety dance to hope the shoot will be fucking amazing to do.
